Beside the Influence | Make room for what comes next
Victoria English and Matt Gardiner, the coaches at Beside the Influence

Alcohol has taken enough space in your life. Make room for what comes next.

Support to stop drinking, grow in your alcohol-free life, or find your footing when someone else’s drinking affects you.

Coaching, education, and a community beside you.

Take the First Step Tell us a little about yourself, then book a conversation. No obligation to enroll.
  • 01Victoria EnglishAddiction & Recovery Specialist
  • 02Matt GardinerLevel 2 Recovery Coach

What would you like to change?

“I want to stop drinking.”

You are tired of negotiating with yourself about alcohol. Get support to understand your patterns, build different habits, and move toward a life without drinking.

“I have stopped drinking. I want more from life.”

You have made a meaningful change. Stay connected to it while building confidence, stronger relationships, and goals that give you something to look forward to.

“Their drinking is affecting me.”

You spend so much energy thinking about them. Find support to understand your experience, set healthier boundaries, and make your own well-being a priority.

Different starting points. Support that meets you where you are.

Take the First Step

Understand the patterns. Practice a different way forward.

  • What happens when stress hits?
  • When social plans revolve around drinking?
  • When someone you love breaks another promise?

Our work brings education into everyday life. Explore the connections between alcohol, habits, emotions, and relationships—and learn practical ways to respond with greater intention.

Understand what keeps repeating.

Recognize patterns in your habits, thoughts, and relationships.

Build skills you can use.

Practice communication, boundaries, and habits that support your goals.

Stay connected as you grow.

Find perspective, encouragement, and accountability through group coaching and community.

Meet the people beside you.

Portrait of Victoria English

Victoria English

  • Addiction & Recovery Specialist
  • Certified Family Addiction & Recovery Specialist

Victoria brings Stanford University training, experience as a senior-level alcohol recovery coach, and her work as an author to conversations that can be difficult to have.

Her work helps people understand alcohol’s impact, reconnect with their own identity, and find a steadier path forward.

Portrait of Matt Gardiner

Matt Gardiner

  • Level 2 Recovery Coach
  • NeuroHealth Coach
  • Breathwork Instructor

Matt brings more than 30,000 hours of coaching and mentoring experience, alongside his own journey from daily drinking to an alcohol-free life.

Having also experienced his father’s struggle with alcohol, he brings a personal understanding of how drinking can affect both an individual and the people who love them.

Bring your questions. You do not need a polished story.

Take the First Step

A little clarity before you begin.

Do I need to know which support is right for me?
No. Tell us what you are experiencing, and we will explore the options together.
Can I get support if my loved one still drinks?
Yes. Your access to support does not depend on their decision to change.
What happens when I take the first step?
Answer a few questions about yourself and what you are looking for, then book a conversation. We will listen, answer your questions, and discuss whether our support fits your needs.
Is this therapy?
No. We provide group coaching, education, and community support, rather than therapy or medical care.

What would you like more room for?

Clearer mornings. Stronger connections. Goals of your own. More time being present in your life.

Whatever brought you here, we would like to hear what you want to be different.

Take the First Step Start with a few questions. No obligation to enroll.
No obligation
to enroll. Take the First Step
START LEARNING

Understanding can be a beginning.

Explore the patterns surrounding someone else’s drinking—and begin bringing the focus back to you.

YOUR STRESS RESPONSE

Why You Can Tell They’ve Been Drinking Before They Say a Word

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BOUNDARIES

A Boundary Is Not Another Way to Make Someone Stop Drinking

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IDENTITY

When Did Their Drinking Become Your Full-Time Job?

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YOUR STRESS RESPONSE

Why You Can Tell They’ve Been Drinking Before They Say a Word

Other people may not notice the small changes. But after living around unpredictable drinking, you may recognize them almost immediately.

You’ve become very good at reading the room.

You can hear something in their voice and know they’ve been drinking. You notice how they walk into the room. You watch how much they pour.

You decide whether it is a good time to bring something up. You change plans depending on their behavior. You try to prevent arguments before they start.

You may wonder what the children are noticing, cover for them socially, replay conversations afterward, or question whether you are overreacting.

You feel relieved when they don’t drink. And sometimes, you resent how much their choices determine how you feel.

At some point, keeping track of them can become so consuming that you lose track of yourself.

Your body may have learned to anticipate what could happen next.

When life around alcohol becomes unpredictable, people can become extremely skilled at monitoring their environment. You may:

  • Listen for changes in someone’s voice
  • Notice subtle mood shifts immediately
  • Feel tense before they arrive home
  • Prepare yourself for disappointment
  • Try to prevent conflict before it begins
  • Struggle to relax even when everything appears okay
  • Stay emotionally alert even when the drinking temporarily improves

These responses can make sense in the context of prolonged stress. Our work helps you understand those patterns and begin developing greater awareness, steadiness, and choice in how you respond.

You didn’t simply witness what was happening. You adapted to it.

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BOUNDARIES

A Boundary Is Not Another Way to Make Someone Stop Drinking

A boundary is not a strategy for controlling another person. It helps you become clearer about what belongs to you and how you will respond.

Control vs. responsibility

Begin learning how to distinguish between:

What you control.

What you can influence.

What was never yours to control.

Move away from:

“How do I make them stop?”

Toward:

“What am I willing to participate in, and what will I choose to do when this happens?”

This work isn’t about controlling their drinking.

It is about understanding what is happening, understanding how it has affected you, and bringing your attention back to the part of this you can actually change: yourself.

Understand

Learn more about problematic alcohol use and why certain behaviors and patterns may become difficult to change. The purpose is to understand enough to stop automatically making their behavior your responsibility.

Recognize

Begin recognizing how years of unpredictability, disappointment, monitoring, conflict, and emotional stress may have shaped your own responses. Awareness gives you somewhere new to begin.

Rebuild

Develop healthier boundaries, process difficult emotions, reconnect with your identity, and begin building a life around your own values, goals, relationships, and choices.

Understand them enough to stop making their behavior your responsibility. Then bring the focus back to you.

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IDENTITY

When Did Their Drinking Become Your Full-Time Job?

When someone else’s drinking occupies so much of your attention, your own needs, interests, plans, and identity can gradually move into the background.

Keeping track of them can make you lose track of yourself.

You notice their mood. You wonder whether they have been drinking. You adjust plans, avoid conversations, keep the peace, protect the family, and question your reactions.

Over time, you may spend more emotional energy thinking about their behavior than your own life.

Who are you outside of this problem?

What did you once enjoy?

What have you stopped allowing yourself to want?

Rebuilding

Eventually, the work becomes less about alcohol and more about:

  • Your health
  • Your friendships
  • Your interests
  • Your parenting
  • Your career
  • Your confidence
  • Your purpose
  • Your future

Your life.

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