Beside the Influence | Make room for what comes next
Victoria English and Matt Gardiner, the coaches at Beside the Influence

Alcohol has taken enough space in your life. Make room for what comes next.

Support to stop drinking, grow in your alcohol-free life, or find your footing when someone else’s drinking affects you.

Coaching, education, and a community beside you.

Take the First Step Tell us a little about yourself, then book a conversation. No obligation to enroll.
  • 01Victoria EnglishAddiction & Recovery Specialist
  • 02Matt GardinerLevel 2 Recovery Coach

What would you like to change?

“I want to stop drinking.”

You are tired of negotiating with yourself about alcohol. Get support to understand your patterns, build different habits, and move toward a life without drinking.

“I have stopped drinking. I want more from life.”

You have made a meaningful change. Stay connected to it while building confidence, stronger relationships, and goals that give you something to look forward to.

“Their drinking is affecting me.”

You spend so much energy thinking about them. Find support to understand your experience, set healthier boundaries, and make your own well-being a priority.

Different starting points. Support that meets you where you are.

Take the First Step

Understand the patterns. Practice a different way forward.

  • What happens when stress hits?
  • When social plans revolve around drinking?
  • When someone you love breaks another promise?

Our work brings education into everyday life. Explore the connections between alcohol, habits, emotions, and relationships—and learn practical ways to respond with greater intention.

Understand what keeps repeating.

Recognize patterns in your habits, thoughts, and relationships.

Build skills you can use.

Practice communication, boundaries, and habits that support your goals.

Stay connected as you grow.

Find perspective, encouragement, and accountability through group coaching and community.

Meet the people beside you.

Portrait of Victoria English

Victoria English

  • Addiction & Recovery Specialist
  • Certified Family Addiction & Recovery Specialist

Victoria brings Stanford University training, experience as a senior-level alcohol recovery coach, and her work as an author to conversations that can be difficult to have.

Her work helps people understand alcohol’s impact, reconnect with their own identity, and find a steadier path forward.

Portrait of Matt Gardiner

Matt Gardiner

  • Level 2 Recovery Coach
  • NeuroHealth Coach
  • Breathwork Instructor

Matt brings more than 30,000 hours of coaching and mentoring experience, alongside his own journey from daily drinking to an alcohol-free life.

Having also experienced his father’s struggle with alcohol, he brings a personal understanding of how drinking can affect both an individual and the people who love them.

Bring your questions. You do not need a polished story.

Take the First Step

A little clarity before you begin.

Do I need to know which support is right for me?
No. Tell us what you are experiencing, and we will explore the options together.
Can I get support if my loved one still drinks?
Yes. Your access to support does not depend on their decision to change.
What happens when I take the first step?
Answer a few questions about yourself and what you are looking for, then book a conversation. We will listen, answer your questions, and discuss whether our support fits your needs.
Is this therapy?
No. We provide group coaching, education, and community support, rather than therapy or medical care.

What would you like more room for?

Clearer mornings. Stronger connections. Goals of your own. More time being present in your life.

Whatever brought you here, we would like to hear what you want to be different.

Take the First Step Start with a few questions. No obligation to enroll.
No obligation
to enroll. Take the First Step
SUPPORT THAT STARTS WITH YOU

We focus on the person who has been living beside it.

You don’t have to wait for another person to change before you begin understanding what you need.

You don't have to call them an alcoholic to know alcohol has changed your relationship.

Many people never use the word “alcoholic.”

They simply know:

They drink too much.

Alcohol changes them.

I don't know which version of them I'm going to get.

Our family behaves differently because of their drinking.

I can't keep living around this the same way.

Beside the Influence may be a fit if:

  • Someone else's drinking has become a major emotional presence in your life
  • You regularly monitor their behavior
  • You feel exhausted from being the responsible one
  • You question your own reactions
  • You feel angry and then guilty for feeling angry
  • You struggle to relax
  • You aren't sure what a healthy boundary looks like anymore
  • You've lost touch with parts of yourself
  • You're unsure whether to stay or leave
  • The person has stopped drinking but you still don't feel okay
  • You want support that finally focuses on you

They may still be drinking.

They may have stopped.

Either way, you are allowed to get support for what you've experienced.

BOOK A CALL
THE BESIDE THE INFLUENCE APPROACH

This work isn't about controlling their drinking.

It's about understanding what's happening, understanding how it has affected you, and bringing your attention back to the part of this you can actually change:

Yourself.

01

UNDERSTAND

Learn more about problematic alcohol use and why certain behaviors and patterns may become difficult to change.

The purpose isn't to spend your life analyzing them.

It's to understand enough to stop automatically making their behavior your responsibility.

02

RECOGNIZE

Begin recognizing how years of unpredictability, disappointment, monitoring, conflict, and emotional stress may have shaped your own responses.

Awareness gives you somewhere new to begin.

03

REBUILD

Develop healthier boundaries, process difficult emotions, reconnect with your identity, and begin building a life around your own values, goals, relationships, and choices.

Understand them enough to stop making their behavior your responsibility.

Then bring the focus back to you.

BOOK A CALL
WHY YOU MAY STILL FEEL ON EDGE

You weren't “just dealing with drinking.”

Your body may have learned to anticipate what could happen next.

When life around alcohol becomes unpredictable, people can become extremely skilled at monitoring their environment.

You may:

  • Listen for changes in someone's voice
  • Notice subtle mood shifts immediately
  • Feel tense before they arrive home
  • Prepare yourself for disappointment
  • Try to prevent conflict before it begins
  • Struggle to relax even when everything appears okay
  • Stay emotionally alert even when the drinking temporarily improves

These responses can make sense in the context of prolonged stress.

Our work helps you understand those patterns and begin developing greater awareness, steadiness, and choice in how you respond.

You didn't simply witness what was happening. You adapted to it.

BOOK A CALL

What if they never change?

It's one of the hardest questions to ask.

But there is another question worth asking too:

What if you do?

You don't have to decide today whether you stay.

You don't have to decide today whether you leave.

You don't need someone else to hit “rock bottom” before you're allowed to get support.

And you don't have to wait for another person to change before you begin understanding what you need.

BOOK A CALL